5 minute read
Zak has been at NPL for 4 years, he started in a different team but now works in Marketing and Communications. Zak has an ongoing mental health condition and continues to evolve his strategies to support his wellbeing. Last year he took on a major project, he found the complexities of the project and multiple stakeholders stressful to navigate and this negatively impacted his mental health. Zak didn’t share this and was worried if he spoke to anyone about how he felt, colleagues would judge him and he wouldn’t get the opportunity to work on another major project again.
After tensions escalated to conflict and timescales changed suddenly, Zak reached out to a Mental Health First Aider, who gave him a safe space to talk about what he was feeling and pointed him in the direction of further resources and support. Having managed to start taking control of his mental health, Zak decided to create a Wellness Action plan with his line manager to help him identify proactive ways to support his mental health at work.
“I struggled with what was labelled as ‘moodiness’ as a teenager, but it was when I was at university that I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. When I first found out about it, I felt like my life was over as I was in a bad place already and reading more about it, I just didn’t see how I could ever be ‘normal’. I had to drop out of university as while my condition in some ways helped me to be creative, I started to dwell on things too much, not massive things but often very small things that I didn’t appear to be able to let go of. They went round and round in my mind and I eventually found myself in a very dark and obsessive place. I couldn’t keep up with lectures or studies and had to drop out.
Things got worse after that, I became very closed down. I didn’t really talk to anyone and was still living away from home. Things continued to spiral and it took me to a very dark place, I began to create opportunities or excuses to be on my own and detach myself from others. It was then that I started drinking more and more; I felt that I had failed and had nothing to work towards. I did little to no exercise and ate food I knew was bad for me. Eventually lack of money forced me to move home, I couldn’t hide how I was living and my family supported me to get the help that I needed. It took time to get on my feet but eventually I was ready to start work and got a job in marketing and communications, after a few years I applied for a role at NPL.
When I joined NPL I decided not to tell anyone about my condition, I was in a good place and excited for my new job. I didn’t think they needed to know and I worried they would form an opinion of me if they did. I threw myself into my new role. My new colleagues commented on my enthusiasm and energy, I was praised for the great new ideas I was bringing and big picture thinking. I was then deployed onto a major project, met loads of new people and was full of energy. I was desperate to do a good job and set some ambitious goals for the project, however, I started to get feedback about moving too fast and the need to bring people with me. As the project moved to a more complicated point, where I was co-ordinating multiple things, I felt the stress growing. I know stress is a trigger for me, but I pushed through because I thought I could get it under control. People became increasingly unhappy with my behaviour; they said I was failing to meet deadlines, had poor communication and was taking too many risks. But no one recognised it as mania, because why would they, they didn’t know this wasn’t how I worked. I knew that my coping strategies were not right, but now I was stuck there was no way to bring it back under control and explain my behaviour without telling everyone about my condition. I was worried that if I told anyone I would never get an opportunity to do something like this again. I knew I needed help but didn’t know who to ask or how to navigate it at NPL.
It was then that I reached out to one of NPL’s Mental Health First Aiders, I had never worked in an organisation with them before and I didn’t know what to expect. I sent them a message on Teams and they asked me if I wanted to go for a walk. On the day I met them I was nervous, but it wasn’t how I expected, we didn’t jump right into my issues, they asked me a few questions and we generally chatted for a bit before I told them what was happening. They were sympathetic and understanding, I didn’t feel judged at all. They talked through what I could do, and I agreed to see my GP to look at my medication and to call the Employee Assistance Programme (EAP). While I said I would, I decided not to use the EAP, it felt like too much at the time. A few weeks later I met again with the same mental health first aider, to get their advice about talking to my line manager, that’s when they shared with me the information about Wellness Action Plans and suggested I use that as a template to have the conversation.
I was uncomfortable telling my line manager as I was worried that once I did, their opinion of me would change forever, that I would become a problem and I would lose the project that I had been working on. When I did, I would say initially they looked just as uncomfortable as me. I was worried it was going to be bad, but they simply said that they didn’t realise I was going through this, that they didn’t know much about my condition, but they knew that NPL had resources we could use and they would help me. That, plus some immediate actions, was all it took to suddenly give me a lifeline. They moved around some resource in the team to help me bring the project back under control. With their support I stayed focused, and they encouraged me to take a few days off while I adjusted to new medication after seeing my GP. At the advice of the HR, we completed a Wellness Action Plan, as a tool to help both me and my line manager understand where I was in with my mental health. We update this now as part of my monthly 1:1s and it has helped me discover and implement new coping strategies. It’s hard for me to say what it’s like having a mental health condition at NPL, as my experience is different to others. Conditions like mine aren’t often talked about and I know that a lot of the conversations that do happen talk about stress, anxiety and depression. Sometimes I think that makes it harder for people like me to share, because conditions like mine are more stereotyped. One thing I would say is there are quite a lot of resources at NPL when you go looking for them, I had seen links to resources before but never clicked through and looked at what was included, which meant I didn’t know what was there when I needed it.
I think that would be my first piece of advice for others who are like me, to spend time exploring the resources that your organisation has as there is a chance we will need them in the future. For example, I didn’t know that our EAP had a digital hub where I could explore things without talking to people. I downloaded the 4-week programme on exercise as part of trying to improve things because as anyone with a mental health condition knows the key to successful management is getting the basics right- food, exercise, and sleep. I found it helpful to get me back on track and the Wellness Action Plan has given me a tool to keep my mental health front and centre. Personally, I think these resources are under used at NPL. I think the name might put people off, as it feels fluffy, but it has made me feel more in control and able to talk about my mental health.
For me, managing my condition is about getting the medication and lifestyle right and setting small goals that help me have things to focus on and look forward to, but most of all my advice is to have conversations whether with family, friends or colleagues. Having someone who understands without judgement feels like a lifeline and that kindness gives the confidence to stop the spiral and start taking control."
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